PLEASE ZOOM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN....

Wololo ladies kwani who and what dawa did she use? Coz it worked. As I was assembling myself to write down my reasons why Gaborone is mine, out of EXACTLY nowhere ...........I woke up with a cold. Yaani whatever dawa was used ni kalli, lakini, I may be down BUT I AM NOT OUT. Twendeni.



Now, second and foremost- I got to play fair, so mambo ya sijui podcast, picha, I can't use. Believe me when I say, you will fail to read whatever comes next ama you can droll over laptop like this and we can't be having seven grown men bila laptop.So because I care sooooooooooooooo much for you all- I am going to have to let your imagination do the walking. "They" always said, the book was better than the film. So far "they" are always right.

Thirdly, I hear a panelist was in the neighbouring areas and did NOT even think it wise to carry out live interview- shindwe!!!!!!!!! (p.s. I have now decided-If I don't get the job Super you are carrying the weight of this blame................just because)



WHY I AM THE IDEAL CANDIDATE!



JINA - THREETYPESOFCRAZY STOP( WHY STOP?I hear you ask........because when you see me, you can't help but....)



D.O.B - 3/3 of every year.



MARITAL STATUS - HAS NOT BEEN ACQUIRED.



RESIDENCE - HOME. Lakini I am bout to move because there was a report that most accidents occur at home so..................I am moving.



EDUCATION- YES.





WHY ME?



I am the "rib" after EVE. God made me lakini He had reserved me for such a time as this- JUST FOR YOU. And please be warned unlike Eve, I follow instructions to a "T", so all serpents please depart, before I put my hands all over you. I am with "ADAM" on this one. Sii God made Eve to be Adam's help-mate. Excess needs help, guess who his mate is. HALA! (muna shanga shanga nini)



Am I comfortable in heels (or was it hills you were after?coz kama nii hills, the twins are cross between mt.kenya and kilimanjaro.and for those who are lost- what do you have two of that can be hills- LADIES ). Step this way please- I put Choo in Jimmy Choos, Minola reps have my number on speed dial. Yaani, heels are taken into rehab when I leave them in the shops.Imelda Marcus has never, will never, can never have anything on me.



There are things every woman must have- a good set of HER OWN TEETH, a pair of pearl earrings, BEAUTIFUL and matching underwear, well kept nails, at least one expensive handbag( and please let the phone that comes out of this handbag be one you can hold in public), well kept hair and a pair of heels (that can double as weapons should the occassion arise), did I say a clean nose too. GENTLEMEN...........................I AM EVERY WOMAN!!!!



DEAR BOSS, how do I break this to you? I do not get comfortable in varied settings.............the settings adopt to me. Ask the floods..........they only came so far. As soon as they saw my home, they stopped (please see my surname above!)





WHAT WILL I BE BRINGING ON BOARD?

This temple of course. Oh sorry I did say I wasn't sending any pichas but I will illustrate like so...............you see Beyonce, then you see Shakira.........let me let you into a little secret (JUST BECAUSE IT'S YOU!)- they were "photocopied" from me.

What differentiates me from the rest of the competition- do I really have to answer this.



Right, I know absolutely NOTHING about this job ( and you would think that would be a bad thing- wouldn't you?).It's not. I am like clay in the potters hands- yaani you mould according to your requirements. I am flexible like that!!!!!!!!!!



This job requires alot of travelling right, well there is hardly any mileage on this temple.Imagine you were buying a new car. And then as if that was not enough- I got a few languages in east and southern africa covered.





And now I hear you ask me, why should I be chosen?And I say, "IT IS NOT WHAT EXCESS CAN DO FOR ME BUT WHAT I CAN DO FOR EXCESS!"

MY REFERENCES;

1. SAINT PETER- yes, the one who holds that book at the pearly gates. Yaani that my name is in there must speak volumes. I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.
2. EGM- oohhh bet you didn't see that one coming. Yaani nisipo pata hii kazi, kazi kwaku. And you thought you were going to play a silent role in this.EGM lie if you have to (don't worry they can't read this part)- boy, don't make me hurt you!

Dear panelists before I let you go off and pick the PA ( a job that I am sure you very skilled gentlemen will find very easy) I leave each of you with a message- personalised just for you.

• SUPER- let's not forget you have a case still pending in the high court (ebu read comments on your 8 facts).I would be nice to me if I were you.

• Aegeus aka N- soft toy on it's way.

• Bomseh - do right by those Tanzanians you have lived with.You know they would pick me.

• 3N - I promise to find you some sheep - just in case you would like to re-live some childhood memories.

• Kirima - I hope you are still in "best man" mode , otherwise I will tag you hehe.

• Modo - I will plait your hair for you.

• LAST AND DEFINITELY NOT LEAST INEXCESS.........................will you really be able to live with yourself if I become the "BEST PA YOUR NEVER HAD!" Can you take that heartache? There is no cure I will tell you that for free.

ladies bring it........................she who dares wins.( don't make me hurt you girls!!!!!!!!!)You know I love you all but it's a fine line and we are walking it.